Not that you asked.

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Back in the blogging heyday before the bubble burst and we all talked to each other in comments and were humans, not sponsored robots, there was this habit of flatteringly asking each other what we “used on our faces”—a question I was never hassled with, which always sort of cracked me up. I get it; I’m beat. And not 14.

Since doomsday of September 2015, I stopped waiting around to do things for myself that I’d always wanted to do: things like regular facials, regular haircuts, laser hair removal, regular manicures, dermatology appointments to zap bumps and moles off, and some other more painful, invasive things. I also managed to finally land on a symphony of products that finally got someone to ask me what I used—miracle of miracles, at age 35. And it was a lady giving me a facial! Apparently, even though my face is “discordant” (youthful in some places, old as dirt in others), I have next to no pores, very minimal sun damage for a Florida kid, and good tone. So she wanted to know the goods. I dunno, man.

Mostly, I like that all these perfect little products, when assembled, are all pink. So I bought a cup and jewelry dish to match from Anthropologie.

If you’d like recommendations from a trusted, unsponsored source who has pretty dry skin and adores SPF, in the arsenal:

• Josie Maran Pure Argan Milk (not pictured) + 100% Argan Oil: I do the milk first, which is deliciously rich and tacky, so it’s staying put and actually doing something. Absorbs and plumps. I finally read the bottle and it said to layer the oil on after, which I do before bed when I haven’t had 2 beers and am too tired to care. She’s got an SPF47 that stick to you like glue I love, too.
• Perricone MD Photo Plasma: Light, whipped (like whipped Yoplait!), fragrance-free, and undetectable—but with SPF30. Win.
• Mario Badescu Facial Spray with Aloe, Herbs and Rosewater: Can’t get enough of this. I set my powder foundation (which I’m probably not even using right) with this. Also looks good sprayed on the up-tops so they look all glossy and cleavage-y when yo man is already in bed and you want to walk in all unassuming in a silk nightie with those things out and proud.
• Shiseido Wrinkle Resist24 everything, but especially the eye cream and toner: Not pictured are the eye and lower face masks that come in these awesome, Retinol-soaked fabric cloths you drape on your face and wear for 30 mins at a time while petting your cat.
• ClarityRX Take Care Daily Antioxidant Red Tea Serum: For days when I’m sitting behind a laptop (every day) and those free radicals are attacking my mortality.
• MILK Makeup Hydrating Oil stick: I also have the Cooling Water stick that I keep in the fridge that feels like paradise under your eyes first thing in the morning.

And this is only the stuff cute enough to sit on the counter. I didn’t even touch on cleansers and I didn’t touch on makeup (all Bare Minerals, all the time), but no one asked about that, so I’m probably not doing a very good job there.

-C.